Breaking Generational Patterns: A Women’s History Month Reflection
It’s March, and that means it’s time to celebrate and honor the incredible women throughout history. But there’s still so much history to be written. So much is being written right now. In the shadows. Behind closed doors. In the kitchen, in the counselor’s office, in the darkest moments of our lives. And it’s happening to so many women. They are the ones choosing to do the hard work of healing and redeeming the damage that wasn’t caused by them.
We celebrate women for many things: their accomplishments as leaders, activists, and pioneers. But when does the world celebrate the courage that takes place every day when a woman decides, “it ends with me”? Celebrating the woman who chooses not to repeat the unhealthy cycles in her life just because it has been that way for so long. Celebrating the woman who has the courage to acknowledge and examine the patterns of abuse, woundedness, and unhealthy generational patterns that may be a part of her familial relationships.
This week, we will be focusing on the accounts of Naomi, Ruth, and Mary and how, despite these very dark times, they were able to see healing occurring in their lives. They were all in very difficult circumstances, but they chose not to let their situation control them. Instead, they chose to see the possibilities and the promise of a healthy future. Naomi and Ruth chose to remain together in a strange land even though they felt they had no future. In those times, Naomi would have been expected to return to her family and rebuild her life as a widow, but instead she chose a different path, staying with Ruth. Mary chose to trust in God when things were becoming very different and faced possible misunderstandings. Instead of choosing her social standing and reputation, she chose her calling to carry and give birth to Jesus. Rather than just enduring the hard times, these women played a part in creating a redemption story far more amazing than they could ever have imagined. And in so doing, they not only benefited themselves but also impacted and blessed many others and future generations. (Including you and me!)
Patterns are patterns. Psychology can give us the names for the patterns, but Scripture gives us insight into what is truly going on. The wounds that our loved ones and we suffer are passed from generation to generation if we do not find healing. And if you ever wondered if anything really changes in the aftermath of being wounded deeply, then you might be surprised. Real healing of emotional wounds can cause very tangible changes in the brain, so that our new behaviors are facilitated by completely new patterns of brain activity, a feature of our human design that is a vivid picture of the very real and present grace of God.
What is a modern-day strong woman? She can be many things: a therapist, a teacher, a business owner, and a stay-at-home mom. A strong woman asks for help when she needs it, goes to therapy when she needs to work through issues, and is humble enough to apologize to her loved one when she knows she was wrong. She sets healthy boundaries and lives her faith out in a way that does not leave her feeling guilty or ashamed. The strong woman is not trying to fix everything right now. The strong woman is not trying to fix her entire life in one day or even one year. The strong woman is working to change the ending of her story and break free of the patterns that have held her back for so long. That is her life goal.
I see it as sacred work. It’s quiet work. It’s hard work. It’s work that isn’t always visible or easy to identify in others. But it is some of the most important work that we do in the world. And Women’s History Month is as good a time as any to recognize that the focus isn’t always on what women have done, but rather what women are doing. And the work being done today runs deep for so many women. It is challenging to have difficult conversations about the kinds of things most of us are uncomfortable discussing. It is work to pray for peace and for forgiveness in the darkest of hours.
Healing is a powerful act, and I am here to remind you that you are making a difference. We tend to heal in private but just know that you are worthy of being seen and celebrated. You don’t have to do it perfectly; you only have to show up and be willing to try. And that, in and of itself, is a legacy worth leaving behind.
